My first draft got some mixed feedback from the people who read it. The first half of the paper got a lot of positive feedback on how much description I included to help the reader view the events I was speaking of. My introduction, despite some spelling errors, received more positive feedback than other parts. I took into account the various grammar and spelling errors that were pointed out to me and made the necessary adjustments.
The most negative feedback came from the second half of the paper. I think that this was due to my exhaustion when I was typing it. I am having a hard time figuring out how to cut back on the detailed observations to more analysis of what is happening there. I am a detail-oriented person and can't just ignore the facts of what happened there. I have tried to leave out some of the detail I had in Spradley's List of Concerns and deleted any duplicate information I came across. I have tried to include more analysis and hopefully I think this draft works out better.
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